If your toddler has suddenly decided they only want one parent—and you’re not the chosen one—it can be painful. After months or even years of nurturing, cuddling, and bonding, it’s heartbreaking to find that your child now pushes you away.
Rest assured, this phase is common. According to Rachel Melville-Thomas, a child and adolescent psychotherapist and spokesperson for the Association of Child Psychotherapists (ACP), it’s part of a toddler’s natural development.
“It’s the task of toddlers to try to make sense of the family world, and who they are attached to,” she explains.
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At this stage, children are beginning to assert their independence. They explore decision-making in many ways, including choosing which parent they prefer at any given time. It’s not a reflection of your parenting—it’s simply how their developing minds process relationships.
What Causes This Behavior From Your Toddler?
A toddler’s preference for one parent can stem from several factors. According to Melville-Thomas, toddlers are highly sensitive to changes in attention and family dynamics. For example:
A new sibling may shift the balance of attention in the household.
Changes in work schedules may affect the time a parent spends at home.
Toddlers may prefer the parent they see most frequently as a source of comfort.
Gender identity can also play a role. Around age two, toddlers may become fascinated by the parent who shares their gender, striving to emulate them. In same-gender couples, they might gravitate toward the parent whose personality or behaviour aligns most with their own.
Interestingly, this preference often reverses by age three or four, when toddlers begin to appreciate both parents equally. They develop a deeper understanding of relationships and trust that both parents are loving and dependable.
How to Handle Parental Rejection with Grace
Although it’s reassuring to know this phase won’t last forever, it can still sting when your child refuses a hug or insists on only one parent for bedtime. So, what can you do in the meantime?
Don’t take it personally. Your toddler’s preference is not a rejection of your love or abilities as a parent. It’s just part of their growth.
Respect their choices. If they don’t want a hug, accept it calmly. Forcing affection may make them withdraw even more.
See the silver lining. A child who feels safe enough to push a parent away is securely attached. They know your love is unconditional.
Support your partner. If you’re the preferred parent, encourage interactions with the other parent by speaking warmly about them and gently suggesting shared activities.
Parental rejection during toddlerhood can be tough, but it’s a temporary phase. With patience, understanding, and a big-picture perspective, you’ll soon find your little one coming back for cuddles in no time.
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