HomeTechHow Home Assistants Ruined Us, A Full Explanation

How Home Assistants Ruined Us, A Full Explanation

Everyone wondering if they should yell at Google or Siri to call 911. Several cameras are trained on everyone, of course, to memorialize and broadcast these special moments forever.

Our situation became clear when my friend ran through Trader Joe’s screaming “ALEXA WHAT TIME IS IT?” This wasn’t a cringey mockumentary comedy segment. It’s the way we live now.

I’m certain San Francisco’s sea of terrified Postmates and Prime delivery runners parted for her, trampling an Instacart personal shopper already wallowing in the misfortune of crawling along the baked goods aisle, feeling blindly under tortillas for lost earbuds.

Everyone wondering if they should yell at Google or Siri to call 911. Several cameras are trained on everyone, of course, to memorialize and broadcast these special moments forever.

JUST BEFORE YOU LEAVE: Samsung May Unveil A True ‘Zero Bezel’ TV At CES 2020

Understandably, everyone is doing their introspection right now; their year- and decade-end summaries of what was most dreadful in tech, and what lead to this mess we’re all in. I can assure you that one of the key factors is what we have come to call The Internet of Shit and how we’ve embraced it.

This was the decade technology broke us. The products saturating our lives are released in the worst, most broken, untested, and often dangerously flawed forms imaginable. Think Skynet, but a dumbass. Terminator, controlled by Shitnet. We’ve seen the films, we know the dystopian warnings.

It enslaved us as a species anyway. We cannot escape. Because Siri can’t understand our pleas to unlock the door, the getaway vehicle won’t start until it reboots, you can’t even run away because your shoes are bricked from a bad update.

Just five years ago, Amazon told people it would be really cool if they could kindly put microphones in their homes with its release of the Echo (Alexa, 2014). This was after Samsung fired the starting gun to stick chips in everything with its SmartThings platform (2012).

Google and Apple had already tricked us into carrying and depending upon their tracking and surveillance devices perversely called “smartphones.” So naturally, both companies joined the connected home data collection gold rush with Google Home (2016) and Apple HomePod (2018).

Alice Campbell for SurgeZirc UK
Alice Campbell for SurgeZirc UK
Alice Campbell is a highly skilled and experienced royal writer, currently working with SurgeZirc UK. With a passion for journalism and a keen interest in the royal family, Alice has established herself as a prominent figure in the field.
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