Becoming a parent often means making career sacrifices. A 2020 YouGov poll found that 38% of mothers and 14% of fathers believed having children negatively impacted their careers.
Reduced hours, fewer opportunities, and even leaving the workforce altogether are common consequences—often leading to stagnating or lower pay.
One father-to-be recently sparked debate on Reddit’s r/AITAH (Am I The A**hole Here) forum when he questioned whether his wife should compensate him financially for becoming a stay-at-home dad.
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His now-deleted post revealed that his pregnant wife, who earns significantly more, expected him to give up his career to care for their child—a decision that had not been previously discussed.
Concerned about his financial security, he proposed that she offer him a share of her property as a safeguard against career stagnation and loss of income. However, his wife was uncomfortable with the request, leaving him wondering: was his demand unreasonable?
A Lawyer’s Perspective: Career Sacrifices and Financial Risk
Divorce lawyer Michelle O’Neil, CEO of OW Lawyers, weighed in on the issue, emphasizing that career-related sacrifices can create significant financial disadvantages for the parent who steps away from their job.
“While becoming a stay-at-home parent is a deeply personal decision, it must be made with full awareness of the long-term financial risks, particularly in the event of a divorce,” O’Neil explained.
Beyond financial implications, O’Neil pointed out a critical concern: the lack of discussion between the couple before this expectation was set.
“When one spouse dictates a major life change rather than engaging in a collaborative discussion, it often signals deeper power imbalances in the relationship,” she told HuffPost UK. “Decisions about career sacrifices, parenting roles, and financial security should be mutual, not unilateral.”
Protecting Financial Security in Marriage
O’Neil highlighted that becoming a stay-at-home parent can lead to a loss of earning potential, smaller retirement savings, unequal asset ownership, and financial dependence.
In this case, she believes the husband’s request for equity in the home is a strategic negotiation move. “Marriage is a partnership, and both spouses’ contributions—financial and otherwise—must be valued and protected,” she stated.
While not every couple has the means to offer property equity as compensation, O’Neil advised that financial risks should be addressed before a career sacrifice is made, not after.
“If one spouse makes a career sacrifice, the financial risks should be acknowledged and mitigated in advance,” she said. Ultimately, ensuring fairness in financial security is key to a strong and equitable partnership.
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